I did. She did too. At least thats what I thought…
If you keep getting this feeling over and over again… then uou would be in dilemma to accept this or assume that your mind is playing tricks.
I don’t know whether she would ever feel like this. Honestly I feel hurt but still I don’t want her to go through the feeling of losing someone. It’s too hard.
The tears just fall… when I think of her.. no matter where I am… in front of tv.. riding my bike.. eating food.. even in dreams..
The worst feeling in the world. Especially after you were the life of her… suddenly you are just a menace in her life.. all you are is the cancer.. if not thrown out, threatens her life.. paradox.. you were her life now you are becoming most painful part of it.
This thought splits me into two. Would she ever miss me again? At one place I want her to… I still hope there is some reason she left me. May be if she misses me, I would feel that she left me against her wish. But somewhere I don’t want her to miss me.. its just too painful to miss someone and when she would realize that she was the one who had to make a choice and she chose to leave me.
How I felt when she said ‘why you have to call? You can just message na?’. It tore my heart. Ripped every muscle of it. I still wonder if she really said it… but she did…
My heart died a long time ago… again and again…
It pains.. pains real bad.. but I won’t say a word.. I won’t call her.. I won’t take her name.. I won’t..
I am six feet deep under the mud of guilt. Guilty of expecting something from my lover… feeling bad why I am expecting… buy what’s wrong in that? Don’t I expect something all the time from my mother? My brother? My friends? All the people I really love? Why do you make me feel guilty for expecting something from you?
Taking someone for granted… not telling why you cut him off of your life… giving silly excuses for everything… I am not good at this game…
I never believed in this. I know that things change and people change over time. But feeling of love doesn’t. At least I believed it. But either I was wrong or she never really loved me. Because she surely has changed. A LOT!
There can’t be any reason. No reason can justify what you did. And I don’t think she would come back. She is gone and is happy to have gone…
Another day.. another thought.. why stay awake when you are living in vegetative state… I strongly feel like sleeping forever…
Rollback? Aint possible!
I am full of memories and need to share with someone. You are the only one I can share it with but you have blocked that route. Suffocating… lets see how long can I hold my breath!
If I die today, she would still be happy in her place. There is no meaning of my presence anymore. But I still feel like checking. Would she shed a tear if I am no longer there?
We failed. She left my hand.. took someone else’s.
I wish…
When there is will there is a way.. when there is no will…..
At least be happy now… that can be some consolation for me!
I trused her with my life. I am not able to untrust her.. I am not able to unlove her…
meandwhatithink 